Blogmas Day 1: It’s me, hi.

It’s me, hi. I’ve clearly abandoned this blog for quite some time, my last post being in January 2020 – yikes. That’s not to say that I haven’t tried to come back to this – I truly did. I’ve had a post sitting in my drafts for the better part of two years, but every time I sat down to try and finish and post it, I just couldn’t bring myself to. Why? Mostly writer’s block. But there were also those gnawing thoughts of “is anyone going to care” and “do I really want to share this.” Well I’m sitting down this evening, once again trying my hand at this thing that was a big part of my life for almost six years. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll keep up with this and post as regularly as I used to. But I can damn sure try. So here’s an attempt at resurrecting two things: this blog as a whole, and my Blogmas series in which I will attempt to write everyday in December until Christmas. Here we go.

So what have I been up to these past three years? The short answer: a lot. To spare you all the long and arduous blog post of me detailing just how much has gone on in my life over the past several years, I will instead share what I’ve been reflecting on recently as it pertains to the past several years. If you’ve read any of my past posts, you’ll know that reflecting is often a common theme that runs through my posts on here. I’m excited to share that that wistful longing for the past has not completely disappeared.

The common thread woven through my life over the past few years has been change. Since my last blog post back in early 2020, I entered into a relationship, finished a graduate school program, went through a breakup, went through a frustrating and daunting job hunt, accepted a job that would jump start my career in my chosen field, and moved out of my home state and into a place where I knew no one (in the middle of winter (in the middle of COVID)). And that was all just within a year. Much more has happened since then, but I’ll spare you the details. Over the course of the past couple of years, I’m happy to share that though my life has been riddled with chaos, I ultimately find myself sitting in stillness and, for the most part, feeling more stable and in control of my emotions than I have in a very long time. Amidst all of the transitions, a lot of healing has happened, and none of it could happen without intense and intentional reflection. During those moments of chaos, there were many times when I felt like Peter trying to make my way towards Jesus across the water amidst a raging storm. I found myself like Martha, trying to perfect and nitpick at the dusty corners of my life, all the while neglecting to pause and revel in the presence of Jesus. I tried to emulate David, whose calls to the Lord and cries for mercy always ended with unwavering and unrelenting proclamations of faith. It took some practice, but I think I’ve finally gotten there. Just like Peter, I redirected my focus from the intense storms to the calming sound of Jesus calling me to him. Like Martha, I found my way to the feet of Jesus and learned to pause amidst conflict. Like David, I kept reminding myself that God is good and that He has not, and never will, forsake me no matter the trial I’m going through. (Also in case anyone forgot, I always find a way to bring these posts back to Jesus.)

So yeah, a lot has happened. But within the “a lot” moments were moments of blissful, euphoric healing. It’s not lost on me that more growing and digging and healing are to be had, but I’m confident in my propensity to just keep moving forward. I can’t promise that I’ll document it all for everyone to read about, but I’ll be better at letting people know how I’m doing as they come up in my day-to-day life.

As always, thanks for reading. I promise not all of my posts this month will go as deep as I just did. I just figured I’d catch you all up. Life is beautiful, and so are you.

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